Where have I been? Where are you? The melancholic ramblings of a mad boy living in a mad world

I have been living life.

Toiling in daylight and moonlight.
Traveling by car, by train, by plane, by horse,
By dream, by goal.

Exploring water and exploring land,

Inhaling and exhaling--breathing.

Running to the light and lying in the darkness just living in that place that brings solace to my soul.

Where mountains are but hills, and pain is but a snowflake melting as it lands on warm and ardent skin.

Where I can fall in love and just as quickly stumble on its cure.

For "there" I am king...yet "there" no longer in my head belongs but rather here in life where my heart beats.

For even in my slumber my heart it beats and pleads and waits

for its request to reach my soul.

The heart's request is truth which shall true bliss to me consort

My heart it beats, a count down of an untimely and expected end; and end which will no longer be easily relinquished.

What I fear matters no longer.
What I lack matters even less.

My faults are plenty; my restitution undeniable

What I risk is worth all...

For in the end I'm living life...full life...

exposed, unblocked, raw

and free.

No longer drugged by the wrath of Morpheus, my eyes awake they are to life

and I'm alive...alive I am...and alive I shall be...

I'm alive for the first time to life

My life

A Building Weekend and the unveiling

This past weekend I drove to good old Batteyland where I spent a great time drinking and grilling, chatting, hanging out with toddlers on their play ground, and playing with power tools.

Even though the --rain a few minutes-stop a few minutes--weather slowed us down, we made use of our time wisely.

Here is a step-by-step (anyone watch the show by that name with Suzanne Sommers?) of what went down:

Crazy to think that all of this starts with a pie in the sky idea. This was my robo-cart. I think I pictured it flying around the house. I cropped this picture, but there were other crazy ideas of other projects that I will possibly build.

From the pie in the sky to an actual material sketch. This is my final sketch of what my cart/stand would need. I drew this and then we headed to Menards for the materials. I kinda put it together in my head as we looked at various materials at the store and Battey really helped me make a choice.



Here are the materials along with the tools that were used. Altogether, I spent about $40 bucks.



I then cut and sanded the wood which I measured exactly but did not take into account how much the blade would take off. Later Battey and I recut it and sanded it again. I will definitely remember that one for next time.

After taking a very long break because of the rain, we finally managed to cut the square opening on the top and, thanks to a power nail gun, nailed this sucker together. I ended up taking this home to finish the rest.



Once home, I put the rest of it together including the shelf/magazine holder dowels. I even decorated the tabletop by adding holes that also serve as vents for when I put my labtop on my table because I hate how my labtop gets very warm on various non-vented surfaces.




After adding a little varnish all I had to do was wait for it to dry. And as far as injuries...not many. At Battey's, his saw horse was a bit sharp on the bottom and I got a little cut on my thumb. At home, I got a sliver stuck in my finger, but no biggie...just tweezed it right out.


After about 16 hours of dry time, here is my table/night stand/labtop cart in all its splendor. Sure there may be little mistakes here and there, but they add character to my little project.

From idea to it's creation, this was a fun and awesome project. It was great to build and it was even better to do it while hanging at the Battey's.



Here you'll see the various things you can put on the cart: The books, the magazine stand which is also a shelf, the top with the removable indented tile for keys and pocket change, the table top design which also serves as ventilation for my labtop, its wheels for mobility, and its hanging clips for various knick-knacks.

All in all, it turned out better than expected and now I will be building even more crazy things in the future!

Stay Tuned...

Spring ramblings

The gloomy and rainy part of spring ensues, but it doesn't stop me from getting out to take pictures. I have been determined to capture this tree that I pass from time to time on an old and bumpy road fraught with great memories. I love its branches and its organic splendor-not man made, no chemical tamperings, and still a work of art. To me this tree represents wisdom only gained from life itself. Despite the rains, winds, and snows of life. the tree stands tall; aging gracefully while also patiently awaiting for the warmth and the full force of spring to come alive.

They say a picture is worth 1000 words which is good because I've only written a few hundred. I leave you with more of my photo-inspired ramblings:

These eyes cry much like the early rains of spring
heavy; earth drenching; sodden tears

However full -never in vain- for like spring rains,

They bring about rebirth to my soul.

Divine Mercy Sunday

So today, despite the rain and cold, I awoke in very joyful spirits. I headed to Mass and realized it was Divine Mercy Sunday and it was great to hear the priest's words of mercy.

In my life, I am assuaged in knowing that God loves us and that His steadfast, saving, and secure love is for all: from the holiest Saint to the most wretched sinner (I'm somewhere in there).

While I'm striving hard to reach saint status, I'm definitely not there yet, but am content and thankful in knowing that Jesus has been and continues to be my "light when I dwell in darkness." Maybe that is why on this gloomy day, I felt so joyful, because more and more I come to realize that the Lord is no accountant.

If you have ever taken an accounting course (and I have...maybe later we'll discuss the 9 steps of the accounting cycle) or even just balanced your checkbook, you quickly learn that everything must balance out. Your debits must always equal your credits. There is no room for less or even more; all is quid pro quo.

However, God is no accountant and if you let Him, and I'm still working on that, His credits pour out like the tickets that pour out from the game machines at Dave and Buster's or Chucky Cheese...just way better!

~*~

On a side note I will say that besides going to Mass today my ramblings were also inpired by George Harrison's hippy dippy song "My Sweet Lord" which I listened to in the car on my way home.

'YouTube' it for a listen.

"I'm Lizzing...ha ha ha...LI*ZZ*ING!"

"Hey Dummy" if you don't already know, I am enamored with the show 30 rock on NBC. Their episode titled, "Apollo, Apollo" was definitely one of the best ones. Not only did I almost pee my pants in laughter (fitting for the show's neologism meaning to laugh and whiz at the same time), but Jack's task to find what made him puke with joy also kept me laughing. Muppets, space, lizzing, jacking, a hard of hearing woman, a call girl named Bishou, and the real Batman, what more can you ask for? Oh yeah, Dennis makes a comeback with one of my favorite lines.

Please, if you haven't, check out the episode on the NBC website or on Hulu. Here are a few favorite quotes. Just looking at them makes me giggle, chortle, and Lizz with joy.

1. Dennis' "Hello, dummy," and his new business plan.

2. "I'm Lizzing!" (Funny when Liz said it and funnier with Tracy)

3. Liz's imitation of Jenna and the reason for the British accent.

4. "What is this, Horseville? Cause I'm surrounded by naysayers!"

5. Kenneth's Sesame-o-vision

6. "Aw, guys, come on, I ate in there!"

7. "Oh my god, you puked! Why wouldn't you warn me?! I was staring at your mouth!" (This one is my favorite. I even had a friend imitate it for me so that I could laugh without going online.)

8. "Is that Billy Jean King?"

Finally, I will say that I miss seeing Dr. Spaceman (phonetically, Spichemen) I love it because only Tracy calls him Dr. Spaceman...this would have been a good episode in which to include him.

Such joy this show brings to me.

~*~

"I was irrevocably betrothed to laughter, the sound of which has always seemed to me to be the most civilized music in the world."

-Peter Ustinov (1921 - 2004)

Spring foward...it's about time!

Yes, it's about time Spring showed it's head...I don't think I can take another gloomy day. It's crazy how much I have missed warmer,sunny weather. I went outside and did a quick jog in a country trail (really, the forest preserve) I have also been reading up and getting ready for planting season. Last year I started a bit late and still had plenty of harvest (yes, I'm Amish on the inside, that's why I minored in German...Ummspringe!). This year I'm going to try my hand at corn (how hard can it be it has been grown for a long time). I love sweet corn, but it also grows tall and creates a barrier between annoying neighbors. Other great vegetables to grow: tomatoes, squash, pumpkins, sweet peas (my niece calls them candy...yes, they're that sweet), Zuchinni (which last year they mixed with the pumpkins and grew super big), green beans, and some newbies like the corn.

Things that didn't grow so well, beets, broccolli, lettuce, carrots which I will try again, but will check out my Park Seed company for better, stronger seeds or maybe just a different variety of these vegetables. If you have a little bit of land available, energy, and time...I reccommend you grow yourself a garden. It's fun. Even if you only grow one or two things...give it a go.

The picture above makes me smile alot and has opened my eyes to the fact that I have always wanted a farm. So, even though I want to move to Chicago and live the city life...that will last for a bit and then I will have a farm. Animals, trees, a tractor (one faster than Battey's), and a barn with chickens, cows, pigs, goats, horses, and maybe even weird animals here and there (I've always wanted a skunk [with it's smelly sac removed] {ha, sac}. This could be a sign that spring has gotten to my head, but I want a farm either way.

So, I have become a retired old man and have decided that saturday evening Mass with my fellow old people is my new favorite. I go and it's relaxing and enjoyable. In college, for a while, we did have a Saturday evening mass, and even then, it was a favorite of mine. It's great because I actually travel about 20 minutes to a different town, then I go to Mass, and then to the coffee shop near the square to read and stuff. This time, I headed a bit farther and went to Barnes & Noble for some book time. Yes, I was there until it closed and this old man had a blast.

My new obsession is the CD I bought last night by Katie Herzig. If you like great folksy songs sung by a beautiful voice...give her a go. I was at the book store and one of her songs was on there and I had to have it. Apple Tree is her new CD and it was very fitting for spring and all the good things it is bringing with it.

Catching up, Lent, and baking

So if you haven’t read below, I basically took you through what has been going on in my life lately. Yes, my life has been pretty mundane lately, and I haven’t posted in a very long time.

However, during my brief hiatus, I have realized that I am very much looking forward for Lent as a time for growth in my relationship with the lord and to grow closer in my faith. With the feeling of not knowing where to go in life, my lack of motivation to pray, and at times doing life ‘my way’ I am ready to attempt to ‘step back’ ‘back off’ and ‘peace out’ as the Lord tries to help and take care of me. Sometimes it’s easier to tell Him that I have my life under control and that I can do it myself. He knows better, so should I. :)

On a lighter note, today was rainy and the snow was almost all gone (Yes…spring is on its way!). What did I do? I made banana bread, which I hadn’t made before. Since, it will be getting warmer, it will be harder to bake anything and I figured today would be perfect day to do this. The reason for making the bread was a result of a winter’s worth of bananas turning overly ripe and me saying, “no worries, I’ll make banana bread.” Now, I have said this in the past and those bananas ended up in the trash after 3 months of freezing, but not this time. I would not let it happen. So I motivated myself and made the bread with walnuts, dried cranberries, and those ripe bananas.

And the verdict…drum roll please…it was a success and the family ate it all up.

Here are a few pictures. I made a loaf and then used a round pan as an experiment. I think baking is growing on me. It is more technical than cooking, and makes me feel like a chemist, and I kinda like it!


The stuff on top is oats. I like my bread to look rustic and it did. Too bad the flash makes the bread look kinda funky...no matter, it tastes great!

30 Rock! I love the show; Tina Fey

[Written on Monday]

So, I’m addicted to 30 Rock. To me, it is really funny, smart writing, and it has Tina Fey. Yes, I have a big crush on good old Tina Fey. She’s funny, cute, she’s witty, smart, and sassy….I love the quirkiness of the whole show and the whole cast fits perfectly together. It also doesn’t hurt that they don’t take themselves too seriously case and point Tina Fey’s golden globe speech where she told some of her haters to ‘suck it’. Some may not like her, but I am smitten…

”I want to go to there.!”

Winter go away (Part DOS)

[Written a week ago]

Another reason for my need for warm weather is NO MORE SNOW! Yes snow may be pretty but it almost led to me getting in an accident. Last night, driving back from Starbucks (20 minutes away from my house) I ‘hydrosnowed’ on snow drifting onto the road. I briefly lost control of my car, spun and ended in the ditch a few feet from an electric post. I’ll tell you that I am proud of myself because I did not freak out and my car maneuvering led me to not get hurt or even damage my car. Thinking I’d have to call a tow truck because I was majorly stuck, I was able to maneuver myself Austin Powers style, until I found enough traction from the tall grass under the snow safely back onto the road.

I was upset, however, when three cars behind me who saw me spinning onto the ditch didn’t even stop to see if I was okay. I couldn’t believe people. Let me tell you this, non-stoppers, I saw something like this last year and I stopped even when I almost became stuck myself to help. And, even now, I would stop to help you or even just to ask if you were alright. I guess you were waiting for me to be thrown out of the car in order for you to take action. I totally understand that when someone is on the side of the road it is scary to stop, but you saw me get in an accident. Well, no matter, nothing happened, and I'm alright.

P.S. That was not my car, btw :)

Winter go away (Part UNO)

[Written a week ago]

So this winter has been here long enough! Sure I enjoyed the snow and staying in to watch movies, the Food Network, and my new guilty pleasure 30 Rock (more on my love of this awesome sitcom to come)

However, I am ready for the warm weather and hope this year I can get a camping trip going for sometime in late spring/early summer. I’ve done this with friends in the past and it was an awesome time! I love sleeping in tents, playing with fire, eating what I want, not bathing, smelling like campfire, and the wild. If there is kayaking, hiking, swimming, and hanging out, I’m happy too. Life is good out in nature and I hope the warm weather gets here soon.

P.S. The picture is not of a 'real' tent, but I wouldn't mind living there. It's pretty cool looking.